Jenni's Journal: I am my own rockstar 

From my Patreon post on June 23, 2019:

It turns out I've always wanted to be a rockstar.  If you know me and my background you will see this reflected in who I have chosen as romantic partners in my life-- not in what I have chosen to do with my own. 

As you may know at this point in my life I am usually only a degree or two (if that) away from some known actor or director or even musician so it isn’t unusual for me to see a pic of a friend standing next to…let’s say…some very hot, very talented guy. I am finding it interesting that now that I am single again--and have been for a good number of months I am seeing those pictures and thinking…hmmmm…"I wonder if I could get introduced to him?" Or I see an aforementioned type of dude and think "I wonder if I know anybody who knows that guy?" This is becoming an interesting pattern to note- and I may share a funny story about this soon. 

Let's look at two other things first though. 

A couple of years ago the delightful Adrian told me he had been looking through his wife’s photos from two decades ago— many of which featured me with now powerful men. He noted this and then said - "of course, because you are a powerful woman".  Hmmmm…thank you Adrian. 

Another puzzle pice hit me recently as well.  I thought that in order to produce STUCK I would need someone else to raise the money and produce it and and and…and it would be a guy. I fully expected that there would be some man standing next to me at the fests and screenings. Guess what? There’s not. 

So here’s where I am going with this— I keep divesting my energy in genius, hot, talented guys.  It finally occurred to me that I didn’t need to be the chick standing next to that guy in the picture- I am the very hot, talented genius woman that he is standing by. Huh. 

Now that I have the awareness the trick is to consistently work at re-routing that old neural pathway into this new one. I know I can do it— with alot of practice, patience and support from my friends:) 

I don't need to attach myself to a rockstar.  I am my own rockstar!

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